U.S.S. Making Shit Up by Voltaire, definitely my favorite.

I also once wrote a version of Short Skirt, Long Jacket about being in love with a Klingon woman.

I want a girl with a forehead like a washboard.

I want a girl who knows what’s right.

I want a girl with blades that cut who’s… not afraid to start a fight.

I want a girl with a strong sense of honor, who’s fast and brave and hard as a rock.

She’s playing with her cutlery, she’s putting on her armor, she’s got a Bird of Prey down in number 4 dock…

I want a girl with a short temper and a loooong memory.

Nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah Qapla’ Nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah nah, Nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah nah Qapla’ Nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah nah naaah.

I want a girl who fights with bravery.

I want a girl who bites my cheek.

I want a girl with unbridled ferocity, who uses a Bat’leth with stunning technique.

Disruptor pistols that that burn out justice, and a voice that is harsh like a good blood wine.

She’s fast, and brave and hard as rock and she tosses Gem’hadar right out the air lock…

I want a girl with a short temper and a loooooong… long memory.

Such hostility my child. I can only pray that the Prophets will help you find peace.

So if you’re already pretty good at bash would you bother to switch and learn this?

Man who can’t let go of past allows childhood bully to goad him into unwinnable challenge, forces friends to play history’s most boring sport. They get their asses kicked.

Goood Cheeekan.

https://fifth-element.fandom.com/wiki/Ruby_Rhod

I think I’d rather hang out with Romulans, but if I’m seeking some kind of professional service, Vulcans every time.

What’s stopping you?

In the small business / startup / consulting world, we do it ALL the time…

IDK how big businesses roll, I stay the hell away from those. I consulted with Meta for six months a few years ago and OMG never again.

That always bugged me. For a “primitive species, unworthy of assimilation”, their ships must be incredibly fast…

Sadly, Zoe pulled a George R R Martin and never finished it.

Chuck himself had this to say about it.

And if you attempt to erase your own memory, you will only succeed in opening a portal to the void, from a which a physical manifestation of your own fear and loathing will emerge. This might seem terrifying, but in reality your fear and loathing will be gentle, friendly and intensely attractive, will help you overcome your own self imposed limitations and then will consentually pound you in the butt in a surprisingly wholesome way and with an overall message of love and positivity.

Love is real buckaroos!

Unfortunately, no one can be told who Chuck Tingle is. You have to see it for yourself (NSFW Subjects).

My Dungeon Master Is A T-Rex Rules Lawyer But Fortunately I Rolled A Crit On The Pound My Butt Check

Lesbian Megalodon Shark Lifeguard Summer Butt Hunt

This Pumpkin Spice Latte Gets Me Off In A Fun And Sincere Way Because It’s Okay For People To Enjoy Popular Things Without Being Shamed For The Perceived “Basicness” Of Their Beverage Choices

I Went On A Hunt For The Easter Bigfoot And Now He’s Eating My Ass

Pounded In The Butt By My Handsome Sentient Library Card Who Seems Otherworldly But In Reality Is Just A Natural Part Of The Priceless Resources Our Library System Provides

Sentient Lesbian Food Gets Me Off

Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt

Pounded In The Butt By My Book “Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt”

And, if this Tingles you, he has an Official Role Playing Game with multiple source books out.

Be me.

Red alert sounding. Catastrophic power overload is immanent.

Be bent over in Jefferies tube, remodulating the power coupling on the primary phase transducer.

Feel a warmth behind me.

It’s Shrek.

He whispers into ear “This is my swamp.”

He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and spreads my ass cheeks.

He penetrates my butthole.

I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water.

It hurts so much, but I keep working on the phase transducer as the computer voice is counting down to a critical overload.

And for some reason, I want to please Shrek.

He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love.

At the same moment, I finish the remodulation procedure. The countdown stops.

Captain Sisko walks in.

“What is the meaning of this Mr. O’Brien!”

Shrek meets his eyes and says “It’s all ogre now.”

Shrek is beamed away.

Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

I’ve dealt with plenty of difficult people in the dev world, but they’re just difficult people like any other people.

This author seems to have VERY specific complaints about VERY specific toxic work cultures. I have experienced some DIFFERENT toxic work cultures / personalities much more than I’ve experienced this laziness / gatekeeping that’s being described here.

The sins of my particular difficult devs have been:

• Arrogance: “I designed this, I need to be in charge, you need to write code the way I want you to and if you don’t I’m going to go over your head and complain about you.”

• Paranoia: “I’m the only one who can do this project. I don’t need help, I don’t need support, I don’t want to work with anyone else, I refuse to attend meetings or write comments / documentation. Management should fire EVERYONE but me and let me build the whole app myself.”

• Malice (dealing with this one right now - not targeted at me but REALLY poisoning the team): “I hate $OtherDev. I will lie about them to others, insult and taunt them to their face, put them down, belittle their code, claim they don’t know what they’re doing and otherwise do everything I can to make their life miserable. And management can’t fire me, because I’m the only one who understand $ImportantBusinessProcess, so I know I can get away with being utter poison.”

• Code Shenanigans: “I write jokey, unprofessional shit into my code / comments and give zero fucks. I am acidic and accuse management of creating a hostile workplace when asked to stop.”

Funny story about that last one. I once led a team building an HR application. I got a call from the HR director of the customer saying they had a VERY pissed off job applicant who had threatened legal action. The jokey “fun guy” goofy dev and named all his functions / classes in lolcat language. So they were called things like “longStringIsLong()” or “uCanHazEmailz()” or IBroughtedYouAJobApplication()". A bug in the code, introduced by a totally different dev, caused function / class / variable names to sometimes get rendered as a string in the email body when a string (usually a first or last name) in the database had unusual characters (Arabic characters would trigger it every time). The jokey “fun guy” had written a function for sending rejection form letters to job applicants and had named it “uCanHazNoJobKThnxBai()”

So some Saudi Arabian job applicant had gotten an email that said something like

Dear $firstName $lastname

We have reviewed your application and regret to inform you that we have chosen to move forward with other applicants. We wish you the best luck in your future endeavours. Sincearly $companyName.

uCanHazNoJobKThnxBai().

My theory: The Soong family have been illegally cloning themselves since 2023.

This is a Lower Decks episode that badly wants to get made.

The ONLY reason we have Paramount+ is because my wife wanted to watch some soaps on it (IDK even which ones, I couldn’t be less interested). But I WAS like “Now I can watch Lower Decks! Sweet.”

Needs more time travel shenanigans.

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